The Physical Bond

It's funny the things we've had to teach and not teach Daughter of Purpose. She certainly didn't need us to teach her how to say "no" or how to put an attitude behind her words. Those came automatically, but yet the strangest things we have had to teach her. Things we take for granted. Some silly and small, but some quite large and sad in a way. Sometimes in just one day, I come across both.

Last night I introduced her to Clementine Tangerines. I peeled one and served it to her. She just bit into it like any other piece of fruit. She had no idea it came apart in sections. I had to show her that. Meanwhile, I served oranges for lunch today. I noticed Daughter of Purpose gnawing on her orange and something just wasn't right. I can't remember exactly what she said to me, but it alerted me to the fact that even she knew something wasn't right, but she didn't know what. It was the peel! Silly me, I forgot to remove it for her and took for granted that she knew to not to eat it, yet it was an easy fix.

On the flip side of the coin there are things we have had to teach her that just make my heart sad. We have had to teach Daughter of Purpose about the part of love that expresses itself through touch. I can't say that I think she was completely deprived of touch. She snuggled right up to the kids from the very get-go. It's the natural physical bond between parent and child that we've had to teach her. Even though I am not a terribly physical touch person, I never realized how much I took that bond between me and my children for granted. They all have snuggled up to me since the moment they were born. My biological children have had moment after moment to wrap themselves up in my arms and to study me and for me to to do likewise. I know them and they know me. It has never occurred to them to NOT throw their arms around me, curl up in my bed with me in the early morning hours or to grab my hand as we are walking along.

On the other hand, I don't think it ever DOES occur to Daughter of Purpose to do such. I think she probably has noticed the other kids, but hasn't known if it's okay for her. So in an effort to teach her about the bond that exists between a mother/father and child, along with many other things, we have begun allowing Daughter of Purpose to take an afternoon nap with Nate and I each Sunday afternoon. (Note: we tried this earlier on but she immediately took this napping as a "right" and not a privilege and would throw a major tantrum on the days we were unable to nap with her so we had to back pedal, but now we feel she's ready and understands that it is not an expected thing day after day).

I wish you could've been a fly on the wall the first time she ever napped with us. It was hard for me to keep my own eyes closed so that Daughter of Purpose would follow my example. Yet as she lay there between Nate and I, I could tell she was just laying there like, "Pinch me! Is this real? Am I really sleeping between a Mommy and a Daddy?" She never did sleep that day. I know she was tired, but I think she was too excited and didn't want to miss one moment of taking in this nap with a Mommy and a Daddy. It was just too precious as she lay there and I could tell that she was trying to decide if she should attempt to put herself out there and try to wrap her arm around me or not. She would cautiously and slowly lay her arm around me and wait in expectation. I don't know what she thought would happen, but there was definitely some apprehension. It was sort of, "Is this okay to do this?"

As I lay there I would sneak a little peek every once in awhile and I would see that she was intently studying me and Nate. Sometimes she would just lay there and, again tentatively, play with my earrings. Other times she would gain her confidence and rub my arm. It was such an indescribable moment that as you can imagine...I never got any sleep that day either. I didn't want to miss anything either.

As we've purposed to teach her about this bond and as her time with us as a family has lengthened I've noticed her relax in a myriad of ways--ways that I think signify her bond is tightening. I love those moments when she looks up at me with her arms stretched upward signifying she wants me to pick her up. I love those moments when she presses in close to me when she's uncertain about an unfamiliar situation. I practically shed a tear of joy when we are in a crowd and feel her little hand reach up and grasp mine for security and for someone to help her steady herself. I practically melt when I'm holding her and she lays her head on my shoulder. These may seem like little things to you, but, oh so precious and sweet to me. I won't even get into what it does to my heart to see her do the same with her Daddy and to watch that bond tighten. That's another post for another day.

Daughter of Purpose is learning much, but so am I. I have learned how such little things can be so easily taken for granted. Until she came along, I never knew I was taking those things for granted. As we purpose to teach Daughter of Purpose what it is like to have a physical bond with her parents, I will purpose in the like manner to not take these moments for granted with my children whether biological or adopted.

1 Samuel 1:27 "I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him."