Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

Just when we begin to take steps forward, we take a step back. When we arrived at the orphanage today our daughter was outside enjoying the 50-something degree weather. It was a beautiful day. It's amazing the changes in the weather just since we arrived last week. The snow is melting rapidly.

Our daughter's groupa was outside playing in the warm sunshine so we joined her. It was fun to play with her and her friends. The children were all referring to us as Mama and Papa and were very clearly starved for hugs and individual attention. I was tempted to politely pat them on the back while standing for fear of germs, but as I slowly walked around the building with my daughter, God gently nudged me and reminded me that I was here for more than just one orphan and that what I showed to these children may be the only love they receive. So when we got back to her groupa, I got down on their level and played and hugged away. It was a sweet time. If only adoption were not so expensive and not such hard paperwork--I think I'd bring more of them home! If anyone has an inkling to adopt--there's plenty available--142 million in the world. There's some seriously cute ones here...

Although our time in the sun was sweet, there were also some tears. This time it wasn't the kind that is shed when we leave. This time the fearful tears came out of our daughter. In her almost 4-year-old way, she is trying to be so brave, but every fews days it hits her that we are going to take her away from "home" soon. We have an incredible opportunity to be a part of her world each day but sometimes I wonder if this extra ten days is better or worse in terms of the adjustment. Is it better to just get it over with or is it better to drag it out? These are the moments that I have to sit back and trust that God knows what He's doing because I certainly don't know the right answer. We know that the moment we take her from the orphanage will be tough, but have to trust that God knows what He is doing and that these steps forward and back are all for the greater good of our daughter. At this point, at least she knows that we will be constant--no matter her behavior--that we will show up each day.

This extra time here has given me the chance to learn more of her language and I am practicing things like "It's okay. You're alright" and "I love you" so that I can assure her in her language--and not through a tranlator--that we love her no matter what. It's actually kind of scaring me how much I am beginning to understand and how much is coming out of my mouth. Just this morning I said, "Natasha, ee-dee-sue-da" without even thinking about it. I told my daughter to "come here" and she understood me. It was so great! I am terrible at learning other languages so this is an amazing thing to me. I never thought I would be able to communicate with her. So maybe there is an upside to being here just a bit longer...His ways are higher than my ways.

1 Samuel 1:27 "I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him."