The Gap

Life is pluggin' away over here. Can't say there's anything out of the ordinary to report about. We started school this week and Daughter of Purpose jumped right into our routine. In fact, as I write she came and asked me when school starts this morning. Not today--it's Saturday!

As I've written before, Daughter of Purpose is speaking more English than Russian now. In fact, I am finding that she says at least one word or concept per day that I didn't think she understood, but yet she obviously does. The one that is escaping her though is the concept of "today, tomorrow, yesterday." She often says to me when I tuck her in at night, "What are you doing tonight, Mom?" At first, I thought she really wanted to know what Nathan and I were going to do after she went to bed. I thought she was getting awful personal, but after awhile I caught on that she really means, "What are we doing tomorrow?"

I am finding the mental power I have to engage in with her is not getting easier, but harder. Now that she has a large English vocabulary, she is beginning to use it to tell me about things past. The other day she told me all about how it really bothered her when Nathan and I took off down the beach on 4th of July holding hands for a picture. She couldn't see us at first and didn't know where we were and then once she spotted us, she didn't know where we were going so it really scared her. I had no clue about that, but yet found it interesting that she needed to make sure that I knew about that. It was like as if she realized that now that she had the words, she could let it out.

All of this makes me wonder what is in store for me. As she increases in her ability to tell me about the past, what will she tell me? As of yet, we have not engaged in any conversations about her time in the orphanage or shown her any pictures from that time of her life. We are waiting until we know there will not be a gap in communication. It's an awfully touchy subject. I can imagine it might be quite emotional. We want to make sure there is no gap because we want to make sure she fully understands that she is here for good. She's not going back there. As the gap rapidly decreases, I realize those conversations and showing her the pictures are right around the corner. I certainly don't want to hide her first 4 years of life from her, but it's kind of scary at the same time. Will I be opening up a can of worms? What if I open it and wish I could get the lid back on?

For now, we have begun to bridge the gap with simple conversations about why we root for America and Russia during the Olympics. For now, we look at the world map on the wall in our school room and talk about how Daughter of Purpose used to live in Russia, went on an airplane to America and now she lives here with us in America. For now, I will rest in today and not worry about what tomorrow's conversations may bring.

1 Samuel 1:27 "I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him."