Baby Steps

This has been quite a whirlwind of a week. Full of the fingerprints of God. I'm not even sure if my brain has been able to wrap around all of it yet. This adoption journey has been one that is so incredible because, as my friend Trina says, "It's like having front row seats at seeing all of the amazing things that God is doing." I cannot think of a better way to put it.

As I said, the actual process of compiling paperwork for adoption started about 2 years ago. It was a busy time and we were able to submit our dossier (a huge stack of really important documents that cost a whole heck of a lot of money) to Russia in September of 2006. However, the problem came when we realized that Russia was making some changes and we were caught in the middle of that. So we had to tack on some extra waiting onto the typical adoption wait time. In fact, I'd say we'd gotten bored with the waiting game and pushed it to the back of our plate, unsure of what God was doing. Our heart was still open, but we just didn't understand why were were still waiting.

It was in early November of this year that our family was able to slip away for a mini-family vacation. During that time, Nathan and I had unlimited time to talk about the adoption. We decided to "throw out our fleece" of sorts. We moved the adoption back to the front of our minds and began praying fervently--seeking God's direction in the matter. That was the weekend. On Monday, we received a surprising phone call that we had received an unexpected inheritance. Not enough to complete an adoption, but certainly enough to get back on the road and to get the message from God. We even discussed the fact that we are scared to spend it on anything else! We're pretty sure that God might strike us with lightening if we dare use it in any other way!

So we got the message to continue on, but we didn't know where. If Russia is closed and our agency still has not received their re-accreditation, where do we go? What country? So we continued to pray. We tossed around the idea (for a second time) to switch to the Ukraine, but our agency said that even that didn't look promising at the moment. So we kept praying and waiting again.

During the week of Thanksgiving, I received a digest from one of the Yahoo Adoption Groups that I belong to. It had a post about an agency called "Until All Have Homes". They specialize in getting the word out about "special needs" children that are available for adoption. Honestly, I'd seen their link before, but never really did anything with it. For some reason I did that day. Because the Eastern Europe children are password protected, I was unable to get into their listings of "waiting children".

"Waiting children" are kids that are either classified "special needs" or they simply have gotten old enough that they are harder to place. Sadly, children that they classify "special needs" may have something wrong with them that is so simple to fix with good medical care, but yet they end up on that list because they are not "perfect". What's even sadder is to realize that generally people who adopt, want a baby so a child as young as three can be potentially be placed on the "waiting children" list just because they are no longer a baby. Sad, sad, sad. Okay, here's one more disturbing thought. While Russia has been "closed" to adoptions for the last year, what has happened to those children in the orphanages? Many have simply aged 1 year so they have graduated onto the "waiting child" list. Just think of that--something beyond their control--red tape has made them "un-adoptable". Sorry to dwell there for a moment, but it just slays me to think about it all.

Back to that link I clicked on. Since I was unable to view the Eastern Europe children, I decided to click on their blog. Right at the top was the most beautiful little girl I had ever seen. I couldn't figure out why she was on this "special needs" website. As I read more about this 3-year-old beauty, I realized that she just needed a hip surgery. I thought, "I can do hip surgery!" So I began to inquire about her. Of course I showed her to Nathan first and asked if he minded me checking her out. I didn't want to do all of this work, put my heart out there and then find that he wasn't interested. Instead, he gave me the green light.

While I gained more information about her, looking up every one of the medical terms in her file, & receiving pictures, I learned that there was video of her. So I sought that out. Meanwhile, Nathan and I have been praying and talking about her. By this point, she had captured my heart, but I didn't want to admit that. I also didn't want to pester Nathan about it because I would hate to pester my husband into something such as this and then get in over my head. Then that would begin a blame game. I knew we both had to be "in" or it wouldn't work.

The morning that I received the video, I was trying to load it onto my computer so I could watch it when Nathan came down the stairs. I said, "I've got video." He responded, "That's weird because I was just wondering if there was one of her and if we could see it." So we watched the video together...that's when I knew my heart was in trouble. I couldn't fake it anymore. I wanted to adopt this little girl more than anything, but again, I knew I needed to let Nathan have his space. He left for work saying that he'd think about it.

That was a tough day. I knew there were other families that had inquired about her and basically, it's a first come, first served type of thing. So I was ready to call, but I had to wait on Nathan. I knew logically that if she was meant to be in our family that she would be available whenever Nathan was ready. Boy, was that ever hard to wait and not take matters into my own hands! I'm glad I waited though because when Nathan came home that night, I vowed to not bring it up and he was the one who brought it up--all on his own! Woo hoo! As we talked through it, he said that he had not been able to stop thinking about her all day so he thought that we should step out in faith and call her agency in the morning. We prayed that she would already be spoken for by another family if this was not God's will.

I was up at 8:00 that morning, ready to call as soon as they opened. Wouldn't you know it that the lady was still opening the blinds when I called? I just had to laugh at myself. I guess I was excited, huh? The good news is that many had inquired, but no one had taken the leap. After Nathan had told me to call, I had stayed up until 1:00 am filling out the application so that we could send it overnight. We were "in"--for the first step. Many more steps to follow tomorrow.

II Corinthians 5:7 "For we walk by faith, not by sight."