Birth Order

There have been many tough things along this journey, but those are far out-weighed by the good. As I sit here 5 weeks after our new daughter has joined our family--making it complete--and think about what some of the highlights are, I would have to most definitely say that one of the best things that has come along this journey has been seeing a side of my oldest daughter that I have never seen before.

Obviously she has always been the oldest, but maybe because all of my kids are so close in birth order she has never really been super motherly towards her brothers. She's been an awesome blessing to me at the top, but she's struggled more with being the only girl than embracing her role. She's a lot of the reason we wanted to adopt a girl--because she wanted another girl in the family. She understood that they would be "bookends" and that her relationship with her sister would not necessarily be buddy-buddy, but that of caretaker. She didn't care, she just wanted a sister.

As we got closer to picking up our new daughter, we made sure our oldest daughter understood that things would change. She would no longer be the only girl in the family. She would no longer solely own anything "girl" in the house. She would no longer have the "girl" room all to herself. The life that she had known for the last 9 years was about to change. I was a little nervous about how this would go, but my oldest daughter has risen to the occasion of "oldest sister" better than I ever imagined.

From the very get-go my oldest daughter has embraced her sister and thought the world of her new sister. She has become a mini-mom and keeps her little sister under her wing like a mother hen keeps her baby chick under her wing. They have bonded like crazy. Without me even asking, she has taken on the job of making sure her sister gets dressed each day. She watches over her in the pool, helps her bathe, brush her teeth, and pretty much anything else she needs help with. She never minds carrying her sister up and down the stairs, keeping an eye on her for me or playing with her so that I can make dinner or get school done with the boys. She willingly gives up her toys and doesn't easily get ruffled about her sister getting into her things. I can't say she never complains, but she certainly rarely does.

The one thing that I have loved the most is hearing her words of encouragement for her new sister. I often hear her telling her what a good job she is doing and she recounts to me all of the great things she sees her sister doing each day. She also seems to have taken it on as her personal goal to know enough Russian to communicate with her sister and has succeeded. At the same time, she is also the one that takes the time to sit with her sister and talk her through each book by telling her the English word for each thing. Her new thing is to spell words out loud to me so that her new sister won't know what we're talking about. It cracks me up because it doesn't matter what she's spelling--our youngest daughter is not going to understand it--it's English! I just have a good chuckle and chalk it up to good spelling practice for my oldest daughter.

My oldest daughter has also been the one who has not minded taking her new sister alongside her and teaching her the ways of our home. Each night before dinner, the kids each have "jobs" to do. I hadn't given any to our new daughter yet because I didn't think she'd understand. I was dead wrong on that one. The thing she loves to do the most is anything with a purpose. Hence the apricot gathering, helping with meal prep, wanting to be taught how to vacuum, cleaning the table after dinner, etc.

I write all of this about my oldest daughter because I am so proud of her, but also because I miss her. She left with my parents this week to travel for two weeks. I'm not sure what that's going to do to the bond that the girls have developed, but I trust that in time it will get back to where it left off. For now, all of us really miss her. Our new daughter didn't take this leaving so well, but thankfully our Russian speaking friend was home when I called and explained to our new daughter that her sister would definitely return. I think that was our new daughter's fear--that her new sister was going on a plane to never return. I can imagine that in her little mind that planes mean never returning. So thank goodness again for someone who could explain that to her. Once she got that settled in her mind, she seems to understand as we add stickers to our chart each day that counts down when my oldest daughter will be back.

For now, our new daughter is happy as a clam to be sleeping on the extra bed in the boys room. We thought it would help with the transition and I think we were right! I'm pretty sure she's in heaven! While we await the return of our oldest daughter, my oldest son has stepped up to the plate to fill in for a bit. I think it will be good for him to have this opportunity to bond with his new sister and to take his bossiness and harness it for good. It means I certainly have to be on my toes to help him learn how to do this, but in the long run I think it will be worth the effort. He's been dying to lead, but under the shadow of his older sister for--well, his whole life--so this is his chance to shine! I'll have to keep you posted on how this goes. I think it will be interesting!

1 Samuel 1:27 "I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him."